I guess deep down I knew it would happen eventually:
"She's being mean to me."
"She's using my coloring books."
"Why does she get six markers and I only get five?"
"Her feet are on my side of the table."
Rene has officially had it. The boy who assured us a few months ago that he and Leah May would be best friends and never fight is now ready to put a stamp on her forehead and send her back from whence she came. From toys to food to territorial rights around the house, no trinket is too cheap to compete for, no issue too trivial to complain about. And I'm sure Leah May would have her own litany of complaints about Rene if she could articulate them in English.
We've explained to Rene that Leah May has been in our house a mere two weeks. She's undergone a huge life change and has much more adjusting to go. She has some bad institutional habits and behavior that will be corrected, but it will take time. Our talks have been eloquent, sensitive and well-reasoned. And a complete waste of time. Rene is convinced that this whole big brother thing is so not worth the trouble. "I liked it better when there were three of us," he pouted to me this morning.
So we brought out the big guns: We reminded him of a certain Filipino boy who came to a new home and did more than just stealing toys and acting bossy. He bit his father. He spit on his mother. He kicked and hit both of us. He shouted crude obscenities at us in Tagalog. And he did all of these things not just once, but almost every day for nearly two months. Did we give up and decide that we liked it better when there were two of us? No, we stuck it out and ended up with a terrific boy of whom we couldn't be more proud.
I doubt that our talks will have a permanent effect, but reminding Rene of his wild first days here did seem to strike a chord with him. I'm hoping the memories of his anxious and frightened early days here will soften his jealousy and help him be a bit more understanding. If they don't, well, I'm not sure what I'll do!
I am sure of one thing, though: My four siblings and I never bothered our parents with petty complaints or acts of jealousy! Right Mom?
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This is going to be cornball as all hell, but here goes: Think of your kids as gardens that take 15 to 18 years to grow. What you're doing now is burying seeds in the dirt. For several years it will look like nothing's happening and you'll wonder if you wasted your time... and then you'll see the results of one of those seeds you planted bear fruit and be greatly reassured. It's GOOD for Rene to know young how he was when he came here and it's GOOD for him to SEE it in Leah May. And, it's GOOD for Leah May to know even on a childish level what effect her actions have on Rene.
ReplyDeleteThe first series of quotes put so many Bart and Lisa scenes into my head.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, Sandra and I will continue to keep all four of you in our prayers. Hopefully we'll be able to visit some time soon.